...now this has always been the right place i relay on everytime i feel hopeless or hopeful. I had lot to talk about. I thought i would add a note of thanx to my collage , but then i was served with my first job's call letter. I thought i would share the feeling of being a professional , but then i had a real big farewell to do. I was counting on having a royal farewell post then , but again i guess something else is already in!
hence i m really living a big time , with lot in the happenings list!
I have always talked about things with a highly egoistic attitude "my blog" . After all there are not lot many things i could establish complete right on. Technically speaking a blog would still be debated on. Lately things like job, salary , spending , graduation ...the things i dreamed are flowing into the shade of reality. Its not the satisfaction of realizing the dreams that speaks, as this were not exactly how i dreamed reality to be.
Whatsoever at this age with a job i am expected to speak sense and act wise. Now it should happen reflexively , though i nvea bothered having a check. I did sarcastically talk about the bf/gf ideology in college , I did evidently clear the astonishment i see in my surroundings , I did talk about loses ,I did try writing, I did blabber , and complain. But then making it till here in this space means a lot many a time.
Unlike all the above said , this is for one lovely girl I was/am(neither -quite not sure) considered to be. I am at times stubborn , mostly over reacting. I never give it a thought once i m angry.I nvea tried changing. After all none of my beloved circles demanded .
When in school it was grades that i was working for, and dreamed about IIT. For that dream and not adequate work , i ended up in CUSAT. No regrets now and then, thanks to the then unfortunate rank i managed in entrance exam , there i was in CUSAT for Four years!
When in college it was the endless tries for passing the semesters, and dreamed for a job. For the little luck and the thing called destiny I managed a job.
When i have a job , i wanna buy all happiness to my family specially mom. now if u ask why is it not mom and dad. I guess an MA Economics graduate in the shoes of a homemaker for me and my sister weighs more attention (to my dad dont feel bad.. i m juz trying to make her very happy). The impossible part even after getting paid is to see my grandma smile , hear ma grandpa speak to his crew abt this small achievement of his eldest and dearest grand daughter. I still miss them and vl always.
All along this phenomena i did find comfortable zones ,i have met some beautiful souls called them frnds. My path of choice never defined me a boy friend. For so many reasons and the episodes from my frnds' life told me "its like shouldering a better tension". Anyways I never regretted for not choosing one,though my dearest frnd wud flash a smile over my statement on this topic. Either way , as simple as it is "i nvea upgraded my status to committed/in a relationship". My bringing up had been a combination of both pampering and strictness. My Profile would cohere the same. Perhaps when past starts the talk, I am happy that regrets dont step out of the balance. Obviously there is not a tinge of anything unusual here. This is how everyone briefs their time.
But this usual at this point somehow bothers me. The what next question from the rest is not in sync with my plans. I am into the years where an unknown hero sitting somewhere writes my future. Another of his crew reads it over and over, concluding one after the other separating the good for me and the bad. Astrologer..horoscope ..and the related !
The question of marriage suddenly brings along with it a tone of querries, frustration over the hands put up , over possessiveness about the future plans. It strikes hard over the peace of mind. Its obviously a "not now" clipped answer from me.
Making me thoughtful ,still here i am like the usual debating the idea of marriage. with no comments over the future or the family i will be defining I am clueless about my plans ahead. I have a wish list for the next five years where no trace of this word shall be found. But truly speaking if this is reality i am suppose to get used to it. Its the usual..people talk..ask..and plan for marriage... If "not now" then when need to be answered. I find the topic coming up in every friends family. I got frnds enlightening on the possibilities and probabilities(this specifically need explanation but i hope another blog would stage the same). Finally the book of Vikram Seth reminds me its still in spotlight.
Like the other posts of every other girl , i too add on to the list, debating the idea. so I too have stepped into the age where i got to answer the questions, smile at the question on boy friends, inner self frowning back at the question. Its the usual... At the end it just happens...
PS: To all who ask me why ? what happend? u getting mariied? "NO".. To all who ask me u have a job ..now marriage ? "NO".. To those who smile at this post.. u well know how i deal this.. :)
Now why did i make a post .. i juz wanna make sure "a job is not beyond and end all of everything for a girl nor marriage is the final goal after the job". I may very well welcome the questions on the next plans..but unfortunately my society has got nothing short of marriage to ask about!
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