From me..!!

note: blabberings sitting home all bored!! :)

Life is always complex, else its made complicated no matter how much I try? I am not sure about where lost the key to unlock the complications. But then as long as I cant stop crying over the missing parts of life , I guess this is gonna continue and haunt me endlessly!

                                           Rain drops that hails from the roof sheet is contributing a part of the wetness to my side. With no thought of changing my posture I continue to stare the 10 stored flat. Nothing rare is to be noted. But my wanderlust mind is already there in its top, imagining the soaking fun rain would elate me with. Somewhere I wish the rain to wash off the complexities. One after the other things are in queue challenging the decisions.
Now what I am speaking about ? I am not talking about any breakup story nor any last days-in-college-sentiments. It was never easy before me. In 12 th I know I was trained the best. I have had seen the worst. I had been the speaker , the support, the fighter.  It’s a promise I had given four long years before “I will be strong no matter what”. I have tried the best to be and u have seen me doing it, waving of the tension u had. Finally this child of yours had never let the same sequence repeat. Like somewhere there was a reset button. It drifted the whole thing back. But in the process of being Strong , I learned not to forget the heard, the seen nor the suffered. During the process its this time of the year , I would run to ur side endlessly revealing all hurting episodes and its u who would advice me . I don’t know how much we weighed this phenomenon then, but today I truly do coz I no longer got a place to run into…

This is to my grandma .. From that day of my life I have been careful , from then I know responsibilities are part of it and how much share is never predicted. Its now two years and this time its even terrible because along with u I have lost  the warmth of the place, I belong to. I am not complaining as u had told me “be prepared for anything”. From those times I lived its abstracted hence “prepare for the worst and pray  for the best” !  May be for the goodness I had done in sorting out the hard time ..ur dreams about my future had gone a step down closer to reality! But see where stand the strong gal of urs? ! Still have not learned to stop crying over the missing parts. But this time its not just the uneasiness of not being in my place its more. It’s the realization that I no longer have one such place, it’s the understanding that a time has passed , it’s the sadness u are not there to listen. Also lot has changed since then, its just this girl who is not yet ready to accept them..searching a reset button again!! It never got played anywhere not even before mom because  again I am trained to enjoy loneliness. So here I am talking all this to no one but myself  … I m placed in the time of clock where I miss everything special…

This is to my sissy who is blasting in Pune her college life (I know u wud have slapped me for this comment ..spare that until the next time we meet gal). Never wud hav u dared to dream this even. I writing good about you! But 6 months..6 l..0..n..g  months ..had no doubt added more strain to mom..specially her ears :P.. Atlst I never dreamed of living a day when u give me a bye with a smile, standing in the platform I wud wave u back crying. Time has let us to that path now where I cant talk to u whenever I wish to. I cant advice u..fight with u..make u get the scolding nor can I simply irritate u..  omg! Its even worse here, for u know the homely atmosphere.. I thought I will overcome this pretty easily but I cud not.. Not just that I m damn affected..its more or less a  confession ..i dnt know how great a support I was to you! But u were one big leaning place for me .. There are lot many things I had not realised for u..but I wish if I cud go back n do that.. I dnt remember the number of time we fought for sharing things.. but today I don’t even bother moving what u left..  I hav never tried telling u this.. each time u perform on stage there was a me whose pulse rise up till u finish it admiringly..today I miss most of it! One think u proved me “the calm state of dad”.. I just cant dream him speaking so soothingly with less of sarcasm. But I am seeing it forcing my eyes to believe  each time he calls u.. gal it sound damn idiotic..with no place to move around better with places there but no circumstances .. another vacation I continue complaining !! I miss a lot n lot of things.. and for the first time I live a vacation without dreaming about the surprises… just plotting endless plans.. that  nvea gets approved…I continue planning!!

To my dad…I dnt miss u…obviously no…but the point is I m thoughtful about how will we live one such time ? u had taught me many life lessons.. for that I will never let a person hurt in the name of my ego…I will never speak the “not-to-be-said” because i know once heard things are damn hard to forget ,no matter the justifications the speaker stick on to… I will always credit u to the academic basics.. I m still not done talking to u..i got lots to talk about, prove me right, but I simply know one silly thing I will never win in that endeavour. All around the clock we had always fought for things..debated endlessly… making mom go crazy! But somewhere I have learned to adapt to anything in life ..i will be strong even if no one around dared listening to me! For ur poor recollection u may not remember..but I remember every  special time we celebrated …!!

To my mom..”u are the BEST “!!!! And if at all for u my mom I indeed would hav not continued to be this pleasant smiling girl!! J

So now to all of u..i m just spending a lot more time before my laptop..playing one damn game in mobile..watching TV…! And this is how I ended up celebrating the last college vacation of my life even after having a long list of relations !!!!Thank you!!!