…
For some reasons the so called
sentiments still bound those little little things close to my heart!! Myself
being no better in handling the whole idea of sentiments often end up
blaming the rest ...for sowing the seeds of sentiments within me..this
story of sentiments for my home town dates back to the 90s when I was
born...born as the first grandchild of both my parents family...recognition for
the first grandchild was much greater in mom's family...or I was more
used to those pamperings ...it even has a practical justification of dad being
abroad ...wotever I m self contented for all those times and thankful for the
so gained privileges….the times lyf mnt nthng bt crying for the toys,with
innocent wishes or may be a bit pertinacious ones , with no never ending
regrets, with those familiar souls in the very familiar house...days when
I had space for lot of favourites..the changing seasons , rising sun brought to
me the day I had to extend my world to include school...the self oriented first
std gal would haughtily proclaim that big house within the blue gates is
my home...my home in all respect the only home I ever loved to be in..the house
with 4 big courtyards..the land that owned the short-still-growing jackfruit
tree...with all my favourites mango trees within….with my jasmine creepers that
first discovered the height of the anonymous tree near the well...the badamtree
that shed all its badam every morning for me..and all its big leaves
decorating the courtyard...the akeshya that shed its leaves which for
some years let me misinterpret the moon has come to earth in groups to my
home….i had never felt boredom when in those stages ….nor had I
discovered a frnd smwr near ..everything in lyf was defined and initiated
within the walls of the big house by the lovely ppl dr..my schooling
..dance classes..music classes..even the talking skills...i never dared
quantifying the amount of affection nor care I received coz none in this whole
world would ever receive so much….i hav witnessed the ancestry being grown with
uprising of my cousins..all inherited the toys that their big sis had once
used...for that priority I own I knw how much they envy...the home that
taught me my likes..rooted my views..told me nothing more but to be a human.
.hence that was the place the me today was born and belongs to...may be
the sentiments for this land is justified and credited to the hearts there..i
can owe nothing less than my whole life for that great loving hearts...thus
life was indeed great revolving within this land and its inhibitors...the fate
shifted its tone told me its time to end the haughtiness temporarily ...spell
bound me had no choice but to obey...from capital city to commercial
capital...life here took turns n twists but the roots of the personality always
remained there in that land of mine….with all ma beloved hearts over 300 km
away..
...the long lost haughtiness now took on its power during every vacations...each tym the train speeds towards trivandrum central through the tunnel near the SL theatre...my heart rejoice..smile lits up..the joy of reaching my land is beyond words...and the1 hr journey from there I m again the lil gal in that big house within blue gates..my grandma all set in the kitchen with her luuvly child's favo dishes..and me getting the updates of changes that I missed during the other city life... it wud be impossible to find some1 less happy than me then... busy wandering through the whole place discovering the growth and death of trees and plants,counting the mangoes waiting for me..calculating the tym wn the tall kanikonna blooms..the number of pomegranate flowers that assure a fruit….the nights... the parijatham wud spread its fragrance making me feel perfectly home .... the never ending talks..games. trespassing into the nearby govt school n using their ground and park as judiciously as possible...finally the fights for sleeping positions and ending on floor than on cot.... to add on the near by aunts and the rest with that expression 'oh mole..u came!!"..in simple words I vl b lost in some other world!!
...the long lost haughtiness now took on its power during every vacations...each tym the train speeds towards trivandrum central through the tunnel near the SL theatre...my heart rejoice..smile lits up..the joy of reaching my land is beyond words...and the1 hr journey from there I m again the lil gal in that big house within blue gates..my grandma all set in the kitchen with her luuvly child's favo dishes..and me getting the updates of changes that I missed during the other city life... it wud be impossible to find some1 less happy than me then... busy wandering through the whole place discovering the growth and death of trees and plants,counting the mangoes waiting for me..calculating the tym wn the tall kanikonna blooms..the number of pomegranate flowers that assure a fruit….the nights... the parijatham wud spread its fragrance making me feel perfectly home .... the never ending talks..games. trespassing into the nearby govt school n using their ground and park as judiciously as possible...finally the fights for sleeping positions and ending on floor than on cot.... to add on the near by aunts and the rest with that expression 'oh mole..u came!!"..in simple words I vl b lost in some other world!!
..in world
where nothing is constant..i too have witnessed the changes...the heights I
attained..the attittude that attuned...from lil gal to the long hair
studious gal..the flat screen t.v replacing the 20 yr old t.v..a modem
finding its position below the telephones …the badam tree being uprooted…. the
lovely hearts growing older....so is the house..the family getting dispersed
into their new homes..n jus the grandparents who stayed with the ageing
house….still festivals celebrations and vacations were in that big home
together sharing caring enjoying…its in that designed floor where I stand
between my cousins cutting the cake on every birthdays...grandma mom and
aunts busy preparing sadhya..n it’s there I sit on the centre chair of dining
posing for photos enjoying the payasam.. in the midst of enjoying my days there
I nvea found time to think and plan about tomorrows or may be the
optimism in me nvea let my thoughts go wild..bt smwr I realised...now
the wooden sealing no longer scared me…I can climb up the
stairs to the garret all alone…[oh my god that is the only place in the whole
house I scared to reach ..each time I manged getting in it was with ma grandma..its
then I realise this the place where the worlds biggest pots( for the innosence)
were used to store the tamerind ..this is the place were a big garner
(pathayam) is kept..this is the place where I could touch the terracotta tiled
roof..this is place once I escavated ma mom's childhood fotos while
grandma was busy catching the lil kitties there….] ..grown enough
to own the two-way-entry room when preparing for xamz...when there were so many
changes ,certain paramount customs that never shifted its trajectory ..every
vacation wud end up there finishing the mangoes ,not leting the
pomegranate to fruit( either me or the rest who pluck all the flowers that
grandma had guarded) , celebrating vishu, my birthday, finaly packing all
grandma spcls (including my hair oil)..set to depart..i wud hug my grandma cry
endlessly ..not even once in ma whole tvm-ekm journey I remember a smile
shadowing my face..i rembr no thought that ever resoned a smile ….
..the lyf that scurried between the cities
were defined by inveterate hope of being home for ever!! Growth is always
an inevitable part of life…that seeked the necessity to change the time
shedules but the sentimental bond in me already rooted deep in my
heart that nothing could ever make me happy leaving home….once in life
time it’s the same life that ticks the clock with alarm..with no snoozing
its then time to gather the paraphernalia once and for all and put them
in the attic of memory!! Here I m in front of the blue gate opening it
..to see the same big house with closed doors..with the canopy of
trees crying along with me..i see no familiar faces but the familiar place…I
miss my grandma..i miss that smile..i miss that hug… with the heaviness deep in
my heart I realise I have lost the strength to haughtily
proclaim nor to stay and answer the silence that prevail…. Perhaps its natural,
perhaps somthng unusual..room after room I went searching for none..bt
maslf..the old smile in me..the strength …the joy…I realise its lost..not much
had changed all remained in same old positions..except the people…the jar that
still remained in the corner of the shelf had no mango left for me…the
pomegranate seems staring at me asking why did u lt me fruit??!!...the bronze
statue with skewer still remained near the television..the telephones that once
regularly kept calling countlessly to the other city remained silent…it’s
the excruciating silence everywhere....i lost a part of me.. siting in those
steps all I cud realise is the lost…I realise the wetness of my eyes for that
scene I left with…that nothing had changed much jus that I now leave my land
with not knowing where ma grandma z .. not huging her ..not holding her
for once…when I walk away in silence with no strength to look ahead
..i lost it forever tumble-down I stand..emotions sympathy nothing helped me to
close the door and depart…..when recovery is nothing beyond a word in
dictionary.....when time fails to heal the wound...when lost is prefixed and
sufixed with 'forever'...when days and nights still make its in and out....left
is life that awaits.....
..the college going gal has her
vacation I realise the sentiments that unfurls the pain of lost....i pique with
fate with no pacification nor explanations…..i miss ma days!!!!
Note: the 1st vacation I m here bloging how I miss ma grandma..ma home..ma lyf dr..i realise I gt many choices left…bt nothing substitute the warmth n affection under that roof… this is something no exceptional penmanship could ever help explaining..there are millions of moments bestS and the worst I skipped for many reasons..! All thanks to every1 hu hlped me..and thz “…..” dedicated to a great frnd who taught me the same…the inspiration : to all the authors whose books hlped me overcome the boredom during thz vacation …to every loving hearts there in my hometown I owe u all my whole life...
That's what I call a very genuine, heart felt post. Really takes the reader for a ride. Wonderfully crafted. Welcome back blogger :)
ReplyDelete..thnx bro :) !!!
ReplyDeletegood post ,that takes one back to the memory lanes....keep blogging:-)
ReplyDelete..thnx amigo :)
DeleteSuPrb :)
ReplyDeletethnx..:)
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